Shanes NDIS

After a long wait and alot of work we are pleased to say Shane finally got on the NDIS. This funding means everything as he can now access things that we could not afford. Therapies are not cheap and are getting more expensive. Accessing the NDIS hasn’t been easy as there is such a demand and back log of people trying to access it. Shane will finally be able to get back to doing Private speech Therapy, Private Occupational Therapy, get a SGD (Speech Generated Device) and his pull ups / nappies are covered. Having all of this, will take a lot of stress and worry out of how we, as parents, are going to pay for these. The weekly shopping budget alone takes a hit of somewhere between $30 – $50 on nappies depending on the kind of week he is having. It works out at $200 a month most months and yes thats $2,400 a year. The cost is roughly $1.25 per nappy and its not like we can skip it. When you get to having a 7 year old in nappies/pull ups you know the individual cost. Shane is going to greatly benifit from this funding across the board. His future is very exciting and bright. He has come a long way and has way to go but the point is he is getting there. In the grand scheme of things this is all we can ask for. NDIS maybe pain staking, tiresome and yes down right frustrating but hang in there because when it works it actually works.

Self Esteem the inner demon

So how many of us actually think we are beautiful? Pretty? Handsome? Well let me tell you something, what you see in the mirror and what others see are 2 different things. Honestly something I am learning to wrap my head around, I hear all the time “your so confident and self assured”. I’m sorry, on the inside and behind closed doors I am just as shit scared as everyone else about what I show to people and don’t think I am anything special. Perception of ones self and others is a screwed up thing, but its how we deal with it that allows us to learn, grow, evolve and with any luck turn into half decent human beings. Self doubt and self hatred is alive and well in all of us, this is the issue they are living rent free in our hearts and minds, the important thing is how we learn to manage it. Like everyone else, they kick my arse and I to want to hide from the world. There are days I have to remind myself that I am okay, I am really not what I think I see in the mirror. When in self doubt mode it is inherent that you don’t get stuck in that revolving door. You need to have the tools in your arsenal that can pull you out and do things to help change the perception of what you think is reality. There are so many different things that you could do that your able to get creative in how you can fight back at the demons that have a strong hold. It could be going out with mates, dinner, drinks, dancing, getting lost in a good book or movie, buy something that makes you feel good or smell good, clothes jewellery or accessories, they don’t call it retail therapy for no reason. For me I’ve just done a couple of photo shoots where I am the model, I have never done that before so the experience alone is amazing to feel glamourous and different, to step out of my day to day world and I get to keep the photos. The biggest problem in todays society is that theirs to many opinions from others about what we should and shouldn’t do, what we can and can’t wear. When did being different become an issue? When did being “Normal” become so damn important? and why? What is the incessant need to be like everyone else, to be part of the heard. I understand wanting to fit in but really does that mean we have to trade who we are to be in the heard. Be real people, be you, live YOUR best life the only way you know how. We are all made equal in the fact that we are all so very different, there are no 2 people the same so why do you strive to be like others when you can be you. We need to build each other up not tare each other down, and if there’s one thing I tell people and learning to grasp the concept of myself is that “haters are gonna hate”. No matter what you do or say guaranteed somebody wont like it, so within the legal limits do what you want. Know where you’ve been and know where your going, be proud , be you.

People

I have found myself recently people watching, I guess trying to find answers to why people do what they do. Why they act a certain way? why they treat people a certain way? from strangers to family to friends and I am shocked with what I have found, seen and been treated like. I am disturbed by what I have seen humans do to other humans, even those who are supposed to care about each other. When did we stop giving a crap about the human race whether it be their mental, emotional or physical state. When it comes to possessions we are a throw away society and everything is expendable. Problem being it seems normal to do that to people to, our emotions aren’t expendable. Is it too much to ask for people stop and give a shit about someone else other than themselves. Or are we so caught up in our selfish crap to care about others. I am not expendable, I am a person and I deserve to be treated a certain way. I believe this for everyone, no one is expendable, every body counts. Its a sad day when people start ignoring each out of no where, even to the point of hating each other over pathetic crap. We are losing the ability interact like descent human beings, I hope just its not to late. Not everyone has the strength to carry on time and time again. Every time we are treated badly, taken for granted, ignored, unwanted we gain a chink in our amour until one day we are no longer able pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep going. Do you know if anyone you love, care about or interact with is broken and shattered on the inside? Did you play a role in it? People never cease to amaze me anymore, I say this from my own recent experiences that things come out of no where and from the most unlikely people. I am talking about the good, the bad and the ugly, from parenting, to relationships to basic interactions. I may not be able to change the world by myself and it may not happen over night but I can change one interaction at a time and I can change how I treat people. It only takes one person to start a ripple effect and we can change the world together. Instead of crushing someone and stomping on them we need to build them up, there is nothing greater than being that person that lifts somebody instead of destroying them.

Dating Sites

Where does one begin with dating sites and the mine field that is. It is the modern way of finding hook ups for fucks, dates or other. What ever you after you will find it on a dating site, it certainly caters for everyone. It doesn’t matter what you look like or who you are, you will find someone. When you fill out your questionnaire or profile make sure you are really clear on what you want. Although you will still get offers of things you never thought imaginable, but then again that could be just me, hehehe. Never fear though as you have options, if you don’t like the attention you are getting change the wants in your bio so you get different options or change sites. There is so many different dating sites out there its just a matter of finding the right one that suits you and what you are looking for. There are paid sites, free sites and different options on each. Some of the dating sites that are available at the moment are – POF (plenty of fish), Oasis, E-harmony, RSVP, Zoosk, Bumble, Tinder, Senior Dating and plenty more. You are sure to find what app best suits with what you are looking for.

Personally I have used POF and Oasis, I have found it interesting to say the least with the people I have met. Overall it has been a weird experience for me as I have met some amazing guys who weren’t for me, others have turned out to be awesome friends and I also got photography work through it. Don’t get me wrong it hasn’t all been positive but the good has out weighed the bad. One thing I can say is don’t give up there is love out there you just have to be creative in how you go about getting it. The benefit of dating sites is you get to talk to someone first and get the basics out of the way before meeting them which breaks the ice somewhat. On the down side I have been asked by many men for tit pics and been sent so many dick pics I now have enough to make a scrap book. No questions seem to be off limits on these websites so be prepared to be asked all sorts of weird and wonderful questions. The next step Is too take the plunge cos you never know what you might find.

Moving Out

Moving out, a huge step on the separation road, that is anxiety filled and enormously confronting. The closing of one door and opening of another, on one hand your leaving your old life behind and the other you are starting new. Its a big factor for a lot of separated couples because you have to both jump in head first into the abyss to sink or swim. You both have to learn how live on your own again and all that comes with it. So you start again and get on with it, learning to be alone is tough after a long term relationship of any sort. Not having that extra person there is jarring for many because you get accustom to having them there. Then when you have taken that step and on your own there’s all the thoughts and emotions that come with it, hang tight though its a wild roller coaster ride. In this instance you have to do what’s right for you and any children involved. A huge learning curve for everyone and its how you deal with it that matters. Its not going to be easy but if moving out is the next step then one has to do it. Becoming singles again is a big shift in how you do everything from what you do to how you go about it. This is on basic level of everyday things, you are either re-learning or learning for the first time, things like how much food to buy and how much to cook.

You may find that you are playing catch up all the time and when you finally do it changes again, and this is true with everything in life. just when you think you got this shit handled something happens and it changes.  We get so caught up with the other person that you become an amalgamation of the two. Moving out means remembering all the things you have to and only you doing them.  We forget what’s it like living on our own and doing everything for selves. There’s also the physical aspects of moving out, and the associated costs involved. You don’t realise how much stuff you have and what it means to you until it comes time to divide it with a ex partner to go separate ways. You have to remember to be gentle with yourself.

Dating

Dating has changed from the last time I dated, we no longer go to clubs, pubs, parties or lounges trawling to meet people for dates, fucks or both. Its not the done thing anymore to meet someone face to face and have a conversation. With this online world we are thrown into a modern version of speed dating, thus being dating sites and the mine field that it is. Dating is hard at the best of times let alone after such a long time with the one person, then add into the mix, running a house, 2 kids and work. When are you supposed to find the time to have a life and talk to another adult about anything that’s not PG rated. To have dinner company that doesn’t involve having batman eat your dinner while you watch sponge bob square pants on repeat while having the kids scream at each other because one looked at the other the wrong way.

We all love our kids and want what’s best for them but as adults we need to be happy to. Happy mums and dads make better parents, part of this happiness is having adult company, for friends, lovers or partners. It doesn’t matter which makes us happy as long as we are, at the end of the day we all deserve it. We make play dates for our kids but not our selves, essentially that’s what dating is, just an adult version of a play date. So why aren’t we scheduling in these for our selves, why are we making it more complicated than needs to be. Why are we letting society dictate what we do or how we do it. Yes I am MUM, but did you know I am  person too and I was before I became a mum.  Like all parents we are more than just parents, we are human, yes we have feelings, yes we want to love and live and do it all. Being a parent does not mean losing ourselves along the way, part of being human means sharing ourselves with others no matter what sharing means to us. Dating is still such a taboo subject for single parents, yes granted its better than what it used to be but jeepers just cos I have kids doesn’t mean I cant date. As long as our kids are taken care of, then who gives a flying crap if we date.

Then theirs the perils of being on a date now because the rules have all changed, the social etiquette is different. The world has changed and so has the way we date, from getting the date to being on the date and that’s not even the first date which is hard enough. With the shift in mentality because of the ever changing world every thing else is playing catch up and having to adapt. What was acceptable is no longer and things that weren’t now are. These changes are things like blind dates, basically being fixed up by our friends or family, its not done anymore. Who pays on the date, its is not socially normal for the man to pay for the date, it is now acceptable to go Dutch, where both parties pay. First dates are coffee or drinks no longer taken out to dinner. Ladies drive them selves to dates and meet there, we don’t give our address out and get picked up. These adjustments can be hard to get used to when you haven’t been in the game for a while, but alas evolving is what humans do best. The only thing left to do is to ones self out there and hang on for the ride.

Pulling the rip cord

Sometimes you have to know when to pull the rip cord on relationships of any sort, some have an inevitable end. Not all marriages or relationships are meant to last forever and separation can be a blessing in disguise for all parties involved. Denial for the most part is what keeps many of us together with our perspective partners. Why do we do that, are we so desperate to show we are happy even if we aren’t, for what? keeping up appearances. Could it really just be that we so badly want to be loved as humans that we stay where we are not happy or is it not wanting to except that something is over no matter how bad it actually is. What ever the reason we stay in these relationships we have to ask ourselves are they the right ones. I know its hard believe me, ending something after spending much of your life with that person. I have done that myself after 16 years, ended my marriage for the sake of my family, for all of us, my ex husband, myself and my kids. Okay for me I had a unique perspective having cancer and all that comes with it, when I called it. However grateful as it gave me the courage to do something that neither of us probably would have ever done otherwise thanks to denial.  Not everything is a fairytale with a happy ending, in reality looking in from the outside you only see what you want to see and what they as a couple are allowing you to see. Nothing is perfect in or out of a relationship but sometimes the broken parts can’t be fixed or put back together no matter how hard you try. The thing we have to decide is ending it harder than staying in a relationship unhappy? Everyone deserves to be happy it just has a price and what price are you willing to pay?