Dating has changed from the last time I dated, we no longer go to clubs, pubs, parties or lounges trawling to meet people for dates, fucks or both. Its not the done thing anymore to meet someone face to face and have a conversation. With this online world we are thrown into a modern version of speed dating, thus being dating sites and the mine field that it is. Dating is hard at the best of times let alone after such a long time with the one person, then add into the mix, running a house, 2 kids and work. When are you supposed to find the time to have a life and talk to another adult about anything that’s not PG rated. To have dinner company that doesn’t involve having batman eat your dinner while you watch sponge bob square pants on repeat while having the kids scream at each other because one looked at the other the wrong way.
We all love our kids and want what’s best for them but as adults we need to be happy to. Happy mums and dads make better parents, part of this happiness is having adult company, for friends, lovers or partners. It doesn’t matter which makes us happy as long as we are, at the end of the day we all deserve it. We make play dates for our kids but not our selves, essentially that’s what dating is, just an adult version of a play date. So why aren’t we scheduling in these for our selves, why are we making it more complicated than needs to be. Why are we letting society dictate what we do or how we do it. Yes I am MUM, but did you know I am person too and I was before I became a mum. Like all parents we are more than just parents, we are human, yes we have feelings, yes we want to love and live and do it all. Being a parent does not mean losing ourselves along the way, part of being human means sharing ourselves with others no matter what sharing means to us. Dating is still such a taboo subject for single parents, yes granted its better than what it used to be but jeepers just cos I have kids doesn’t mean I cant date. As long as our kids are taken care of, then who gives a flying crap if we date.
Then theirs the perils of being on a date now because the rules have all changed, the social etiquette is different. The world has changed and so has the way we date, from getting the date to being on the date and that’s not even the first date which is hard enough. With the shift in mentality because of the ever changing world every thing else is playing catch up and having to adapt. What was acceptable is no longer and things that weren’t now are. These changes are things like blind dates, basically being fixed up by our friends or family, its not done anymore. Who pays on the date, its is not socially normal for the man to pay for the date, it is now acceptable to go Dutch, where both parties pay. First dates are coffee or drinks no longer taken out to dinner. Ladies drive them selves to dates and meet there, we don’t give our address out and get picked up. These adjustments can be hard to get used to when you haven’t been in the game for a while, but alas evolving is what humans do best. The only thing left to do is to ones self out there and hang on for the ride.
Sometimes you have to know when to pull the rip cord on relationships of any sort, some have an inevitable end. Not all marriages or relationships are meant to last forever and separation can be a blessing in disguise for all parties involved. Denial for the most part is what keeps many of us together with our perspective partners. Why do we do that, are we so desperate to show we are happy even if we aren’t, for what? keeping up appearances. Could it really just be that we so badly want to be loved as humans that we stay where we are not happy or is it not wanting to except that something is over no matter how bad it actually is. What ever the reason we stay in these relationships we have to ask ourselves are they the right ones. I know its hard believe me, ending something after spending much of your life with that person. I have done that myself after 16 years, ended my marriage for the sake of my family, for all of us, my ex husband, myself and my kids. Okay for me I had a unique perspective having cancer and all that comes with it, when I called it. However grateful as it gave me the courage to do something that neither of us probably would have ever done otherwise thanks to denial. Not everything is a fairytale with a happy ending, in reality looking in from the outside you only see what you want to see and what they as a couple are allowing you to see. Nothing is perfect in or out of a relationship but sometimes the broken parts can’t be fixed or put back together no matter how hard you try. The thing we have to decide is ending it harder than staying in a relationship unhappy? Everyone deserves to be happy it just has a price and what price are you willing to pay?
In everything we do we need motivators, we need to know in the end when we reach our goals, small and big, we get something for it. Motivators are a powerful thing to keep us striving to be the best that we can be. The trick is to find motivators that actually motivate you to keep going, to keep pushing and smash the boundaries. Motivators can be anything, I know for me they are things like, dinner in a fancy restaurant, a night away or a new piercing, but they can be anything like a new tattoo, new clothes or new jewellery. We use motivators for our kids because we know they work. Same principle applies with ourselves as adults. There are many motivators to chose from and for some of us involving others as a part of the motivators might just give that extra bit of determination you are looking for. The question is what motivates you?
Oh my, afraid to start again you say, what ever for? Starting again isn’t a bad thing it means change and I think that’s the bit most people are afraid of, CHANGE. Oh what a scary word, I say it like that because starting again means something pretty powerful. It means you have lived because you have tried something, failure or success is irrelevant at that point. Its giving you the opportunity to move forward in life, if finished something awesome or if you didn’t so what, you can change it for next time, with some luck no matter the outcome I hope you learnt something. You have accomplished something because you have been able to start again, either starting over or starting something new. There is many things in life that we need to start over from love, work, education, parenting and so much more. For the love of all things don’t fear starting again, life is an adventure if it nocks you down, pick yourself up and bloody get on with it. Do it again and again, its doesn’t matter how many times you start again its about starting again in the first place. Just make sure you getting closer and closer to what you are after achieving every time you do start again. Stay strong and stay true, to you and what you are chasing in life, that way starting again gives you hope and a drive to get you there and know that you can do it.
For parents it is a love/hate relationship with school holidays. Although its nice to not have to get up to the alarm and having the kids home. It is not always rainbows and unicorns in our little slice of heaven. It can have more ups and downs than a roller coaster, from giggling happy kids to screaming melt downs and back again. The start of the holidays are always so full of hope and wonder about where your going to take them and all the things your going to do. By the end of the holidays its counting down the hours until they go back. Mid year holidays are always harder with the winter weather as more often than not they are stuck inside and need some form of entertainment. There is only so much you tube you as the parent can stand hear and only so much you want the kids watching. So as we are in our 2nd week of the winter holidays, from one parent to another, I say hold on for dear life, these days are not going to last forever. Hang in there, you are not alone, your not the only parent in this situation. Call up other parents and arrange those play dates. Do those picnics in the park, and if its raining do the picnic in the lounge. what ever you get up to just remember that once the holidays are over you might even miss them…………….